and these nights i get high just from breathing
my thoughts, ideas, inspirations, and progress.
“Chaos is the score upon which reality is written.”
“Are you paralyzed with fear? That’s a good sign. Fear is good. Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to do. Remember one rule of thumb: the more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.”
“And remember this, that if you’ve been hated, you’ve also been loved.”
people pleaser
as odd as it sounds, i’m one of those people who everyone likes. i can get along with pretty much anyone therefore i have several different groups of friends all of which are completely unique, yet i fit in with every single one of them.
usually this isn’t an issue or a problem for me, in fact i kind of love it because i always have something to do and i normally get exposed to lots of different lifestyles, which is cool as fuck. but…there are those rare occasions where shit overlaps and i have to turn some people down sometimes. again, normally it’s not that big of a deal. but apparently this weekend it was. people’s feelings got hurt, and now we’re not speaking, i apologized, haven’t heard back, don’t know what to do.
i hate people being mad at me. what i hate even more, and actually more than anything, is not having complete control over a situation. and i have done everything i can to try and fix it. now i just have to wait. this sucks. i’ve always pretty much bent over backwards to make other people happy because i never want to get into fights or conflicts. well…it’s fucking exhausting. and sometimes i need to do what i want to do and put myself first. that doesn’t make me a bad person.
it’s pretty much impossible to go through life without disappointing someone or making them mad or hurting their feelings. guess now it’s my turn. ugh. i just want it to be over.
regardless, i am not going to spread myself too thin at the expense of my own sanity.
haven’t had a rant via tumblr in a while…hmm…
“I think I love him, but I also think that you can love people who aren’t good for you.”
Oh yes you can
