I’ve recently started a new and very scary chapter in my life. I’ve started grad school in order to continue my journey towards becoming a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Initially it didn’t seem like it would be that bad, but I knew I was in for many big changes. I didnt realize how high my stress level would be after only two weeks as a grad student. Mostly because of all of the adjustments I have to make in order to be successful at school. I’m overwhelmed with how much reading I have to do and am especially concerned about how much less time I will have to spend with my dog. I know it seems petty but my dog has been my main priority for the last 6 months. I feel guilty that I won’t have as much time for her anymore and am having to look into alternatives (i.e. doggie day care). Basically my free time has been cut in half yet my responsibilities have doubled. I’m worried I won’t be able to do this. But I dont want to quit. I’m just very scared. I hope I prove myself wrong.
as odd as it sounds, i’m one of those people who everyone likes. i can get along with pretty much anyone therefore i have several different groups of friends all of which are completely unique, yet i fit in with every single one of them.
usually this isn’t an issue or a problem for me, in fact i kind of love it because i always have something to do and i normally get exposed to lots of different lifestyles, which is cool as fuck. but…there are those rare occasions where shit overlaps and i have to turn some people down sometimes. again, normally it’s not that big of a deal. but apparently this weekend it was. people’s feelings got hurt, and now we’re not speaking, i apologized, haven’t heard back, don’t know what to do.
i hate people being mad at me. what i hate even more, and actually more than anything, is not having complete control over a situation. and i have done everything i can to try and fix it. now i just have to wait. this sucks. i’ve always pretty much bent over backwards to make other people happy because i never want to get into fights or conflicts. well…it’s fucking exhausting. and sometimes i need to do what i want to do and put myself first. that doesn’t make me a bad person.
it’s pretty much impossible to go through life without disappointing someone or making them mad or hurting their feelings. guess now it’s my turn. ugh. i just want it to be over.
regardless, i am not going to spread myself too thin at the expense of my own sanity.
haven’t had a rant via tumblr in a while…hmm…