i haven’t written on here in a long time, since i first started grad school. last semester i was seriously on it, in every area of my life. i was completely focused on school and was taking my puppy on runs and going to pilates classes, eating well, and it was really easy to stay focused because my roommate was also in school so we held each other accountable. everything was fine.
then this semester everything changed. my roommate moved out and some bullshit went down because i finally stood up to her stupid coke head minion which caused a divide between us because i was the only one who could see what a piece of shit this girl was, and she disagreed. so there’s some tension there which sucks because we used to be “best friends” doesn’t feel like that these days. also, my dog got injured and have to have luxated patella surgery. which has been a bummer for multiple reasons. first, its just hard seeing your pet/pseudo child hurt. second, it’s been very expensive paying for everything that goes with surgery, especially when your dog chews up every new bandage and gets her staples out with her teeth. third, and probably the most difficult, is i haven’t been able to take her on runs, or to the park, or do any of the stuff i used to do that would help keep me sane during this stressful time. school is also a lot harder than last semester. but i don’t know if it feels harder because of all the changes or if it actually is harder.
because of all the changes, I’m a lot more stressed out. and everything is being affected negatively, school, my health, and my internship. i hate going through downfalls, they’re the worst. i always have to make “comebacks’ which gets old. its so hard. but i always seem to do it. hopefully i can this time too.
I’ve recently started a new and very scary chapter in my life. I’ve started grad school in order to continue my journey towards becoming a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Initially it didn’t seem like it would be that bad, but I knew I was in for many big changes. I didnt realize how high my stress level would be after only two weeks as a grad student. Mostly because of all of the adjustments I have to make in order to be successful at school. I’m overwhelmed with how much reading I have to do and am especially concerned about how much less time I will have to spend with my dog. I know it seems petty but my dog has been my main priority for the last 6 months. I feel guilty that I won’t have as much time for her anymore and am having to look into alternatives (i.e. doggie day care). Basically my free time has been cut in half yet my responsibilities have doubled. I’m worried I won’t be able to do this. But I dont want to quit. I’m just very scared. I hope I prove myself wrong.
as odd as it sounds, i’m one of those people who everyone likes. i can get along with pretty much anyone therefore i have several different groups of friends all of which are completely unique, yet i fit in with every single one of them.
usually this isn’t an issue or a problem for me, in fact i kind of love it because i always have something to do and i normally get exposed to lots of different lifestyles, which is cool as fuck. but…there are those rare occasions where shit overlaps and i have to turn some people down sometimes. again, normally it’s not that big of a deal. but apparently this weekend it was. people’s feelings got hurt, and now we’re not speaking, i apologized, haven’t heard back, don’t know what to do.
i hate people being mad at me. what i hate even more, and actually more than anything, is not having complete control over a situation. and i have done everything i can to try and fix it. now i just have to wait. this sucks. i’ve always pretty much bent over backwards to make other people happy because i never want to get into fights or conflicts. well…it’s fucking exhausting. and sometimes i need to do what i want to do and put myself first. that doesn’t make me a bad person.
it’s pretty much impossible to go through life without disappointing someone or making them mad or hurting their feelings. guess now it’s my turn. ugh. i just want it to be over.
regardless, i am not going to spread myself too thin at the expense of my own sanity.
haven’t had a rant via tumblr in a while…hmm…